In the light of this passage, I would like to take a bit of time to express to God, and on here for the benefit of others what great love He has been showing me, that which I have seen and perceived correctly, since the beginning of the world. Because I am a time bound creature, I am inclined to think of and ponder more recent things, so bear with me, and know that this is not an extensive or all inclusive list of the ways God has proven His love for me.
Oh, God, you are great, your plan for me is wonderful, even when I deny that you have been paying attention. You have promised good to me, not in which to harm me, but to give me hope and a future. Lord, you took a trip that wasn't going to be medical missions (as far as I could see, but not for You) the mission field that you called me into, and you turned it in to a medical quest. Lord, then you tested me, and you knew the limits of my faith at that time, and you were gracious, my King, to refrain from giving me more than I could bear. You tested my heart for Senegal, you made me use the analytical skills, which you blessed me with, the determine that Senegal would not be satisfactory for your will in my life, because the officers overseas were making sketchy decisions. Lord, I may never know what else you protected me from in Senegal, but I cry out with joy for the fingerprints that I see on all along my path to Africa, telling me where to go.
God, you made me look into my heart, as you revealed my own heart to me, because you know it better than anyone, Lord, better than I even know it, the tricksy thing that it is. Lord, when you presented Kenya, you showed me my stubbornness, that a great gift would have been given to me if I would have only opened it, an e-mail. After a few days of pouting and seeking wise counsel, Lord you convinced my heart to go to Kenya, even though you had placed in my heart a passion for Muslim women and you had compelled me to begin learning French and Arabic. I surrendered to your good and sovereign, outside of time, will. Then a week later, when I opened the message that revealed that Minah was a part of this Kenya trip, Lord, you taught me that you do not give us divine passions without a divine purpose.
Lord, when you got me to this point, you did not stop giving, and you allotted more time than I would have dreamed of asking for, because Lord, when it comes to you, I want too little, I dream in a small box, but you are apparently willing to overlook those things and give a greater portion that I though possible. All of this, and I haven't even packed for the trip to Kenya and Minah, I have not even begun the journey, and you are already there. I praise you Lord, for your great mercy on your foolish and enamoured servant girl.
Lord, where next shall we go? Lord, in the last few weeks, as Spiritual warfare remains constant, yet I am a soldier being moved up closer to the front lines, crossing them even, you have been with me. In the illness and in the stress, you have been my only rock, my strong tower, in which I take refuge. Nearly, every night for this past week, I have been awoken, sometimes with anxiety gripping at my every breath, sometimes with a sickness that makes me writhe in pain, sometimes with an annoyance, trying to understand why I cannot sleep. Lord, in the sleeplessness you have shown me that sleep, while it is a good thing, is not as necessary as you are. In the sleeplessness you have shown me peacefulness. And not the peacefulness that the world seeks after, it is not a calmed or sedated state. But a peace that allows me to walk through the sleeplessness with you, and not alone or afraid. In the sickness, you are there and your peace surrounds me, in the midst of temptations to worry about final exams, Lord, even when I have lost it, when I looked down at the waves, and not at you, even when I began to sink, Lord you reached out your hand, and taught me once more how to abide in your peace. Lord, you are near, even when I walk through these valleys because you are great and mighty to save your child from drowning herself in her own tears of despair. You are great, because of who you are.
Lord, before this semester began, when you gave me a new friend, Miss Maggie, and after a boot camp of your love over new years, you actually changed my heart to love Maggie in ways that I cannot explain. You controlled my heart, and it made me do crazy things. Lord, I have no idea what you did, and trying to analyze it will not help, because the work that you did that night was amazing. You sent a vessel that had a newly changed and submitted heart over to Hillcrest and called another heart that needed changed to your recently repaired heart. God, your Spirit gave a mouth that is not eloquent answers to questions about evolution, answers about you and a gentleness that is not fleshly characteristic of my mouth, came out in love and truth.
Even though this is amazing, I hold it so much more precious what you did in Maggie's heart that night! Lord, you opened up your love for her, you showed a lost daughter the way to get home to you, a loving Father. Lord, you taught her that those things that she had questioned about you, the very same things that she questioned that night, were all answered in who you are, the essence of your being speaks truth into the darkest of nights. Lord, you had prepared her heart for months before this through Cru and Emma's fun loving person that you placed with Maggie for a divine purpose. Lord, you had it all worked out, you had an immaculate and intricately detailed plan that caused Maggie to take a step of faith into your loving arms, and I was there to watch you do it!!! How blessed am I to be given a woman that I love, a friend, and then to watch her become my sister. How blessed are the ears that heard the first prayer from her heart, a prayer to accept you as Lord and Saviour! How sweet, sweeter than all else I have known to be fathomable. How great are you, oh God, that you gave me a taste of the pursuit of Maggie, a pursuit that you have been on since before time. How amazing you are.
Lord, I ask that you would become greater, and that I would become so much less, today, and hence forward.
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